In Which I Attempt to Make My Clothes Fail to Fit

My doctor has finally put his foot down on my diet and exercise. He said it with lots of laughs (as he always does) but there were loads of “if you don’t then 💀” implications this time.

Besides just generally improving, my specific goals all surround my hiking/rock climbing/kayaking activities. I’ve started the basics for a fitness plan in my head, though it will probably evolve with time.

To alleviate my limited spinal mobility / To do the splits

GOAL: I’ve been to spinal specialists, I’ve been to chiropractors, and I’ve been to physical therapy. Basically, they’ve all said the same thing: I need to stretch more! Between getting my back/neck flexible again and getting my splits down, I should be flexible enough for any rock climbing challenges thrown my way at my level.

HOW TO GET THERE: Yoga. I plan on doing at least 30 minutes of yoga every day. I’m mostly going to pull from Do You Yoga but I might toss in the 14-Day Couch to Confident Yoga Challenge at some point. I put these notes in grey on the chart below.

To be able to climb 6 flights of parking garage stairs without being winded

GOAL: Endurance. I don’t have any.

HOW TO GET THERE: Actually take the stairs every day in the 6-floor parking garage at my work. Run more; I’m going to attempt to run 3 days a week for at least 30 minutes each time. I have a few running apps on my phone so I’ll follow one of those Couch to 5k programs. These are in magenta on the chart.

To run in a Spartan race summer 2020

GOAL: I want my body to be able to support my hobbies. I’ve realized that if I can compete in a Spartan race and actually complete it, then I’m pretty much there. So, I’ve decided to go for it. I need to be able to lift my own bodyweight, but also, per the sites I’ve seen:

  • Sandbags – 30-35 lbs
  • Bucket Carry – 50-80 lbs
  • Sled Drag – 45 lbs
  • Hercules Hoist – 75 lbs
  • Atlas Carry – 75 lbs
  • Deadlift: 1x BW
  • Back squat: 1x BW
  • Front squat: 0.75x BW
  • Clean: 0.9x BW
  • Bench press: 0.9x BW
  • Military press: 0.6x BW
  • Push-up: 30-50
  • Pull-up: 10-15
  • Walking lunges: depends on length of race 1/4 mile to 1+ miles
  • Dead hang: 60 seconds
  • Burpees: 50-80 in 5 minutes
  • Run: 5-8 miles without stopping

Whew. I’m exhausted just looking at that list.

HOW TO GET THERE: The #riseupspartans group I’ve met do two Spartan training workouts during the week that are free for anyone to join (Sundays and Wednesdays). These days are my top priorities for the next 5 weeks. I don’t want to miss any of them. DnD is threatening to mess with that…. but we’ll see. These are in yellow below.

The same coach leads a rock climbing fitness class on Tuesday nights. On Tuesday they start at 7p and I have a class at 7:30, but I may still attend and do 30min at least. I’m going to try to make it each week but won’t beat myself up too hard if I don’t.


To fit back into all my pretty dresses currently in a tote under my bed

I’ll roughly be following the Fit Girls Guide to improve my healthy eating. It’s a great program because it doesn’t rely on any fad-diet trends (keto, etc). I might also steal their workouts on rainy days where a run just isn’t going to happen.

I also have a few weeks free from one of those meal-delivery services. They don’t claim healthy meals, but it will definitely help me with portion sizes!

Day One of Working My Ass Off

I had a headache and didn’t feel like leaving my apartment, but I forced myself off the couch – if I only wait until I’m feeling perfect to workout, I never will.

I almost wrecked on the highway on the way there (major spin out, almost took out 4-5 cars). I could have used that as an excuse to pull over and take a breather and not go, but if I let little things stop me I’ll never reach my goals.

As soon as I arrived it began a torrential downpour with lightning and thunder. I was in shorts and a tank top and it was a little chilly – but if I only wait for perfect weather the motivation will be lost.

My back hurt and my head hurt and my lungs were on fire after the first round of the workout. Instead of stopping, I modified down and pushed through until I’d completed three rounds. I did the first round with a 25lb sandbag. The second round I used a 10lb bag, and a no bag for the third.

I’ll take it for day one!

Note that I didn’t do any yoga in the morning because, well, I didn’t decide for sure to do it every day until day two!

Day Two of Attempting to Force Myself into Having to Learn How to Alter Historical Clothing

My body is only minimally sore from yesterday (tomorrow I expect hell) but my knee hurts to walk on so I’m not going to do anything strenuous today.

I’ll do some yoga after I get out of class late evening.

Meal-wise I’ve done great so far today. I had a homemade smoothie for breakfast, two boiled eggs as a snack, then orzo and steak for lunch that I meal-prepped Sunday afternoon from my delivery box. For dinner tonight I’m doing zucchini and a pork chop with some other veggies. I’m 32oz in on water which is about a 1/3rd of my planned intake.

There are 35 days until Pennsic! That’s 5 weeks from yesterday when I began this challenge. I just realized that, if successful, I’ll lose at least 1lb a week and I could realistically lose up to 2 lbs a week. If I lose 5-10lbs before Pennsic my garb will probably all be too lose and the week before Pennsic I’ll be frantically calling on friends to show me how to alter them. Cue: tons of hand-sewing during Peace Week!

(featured image: selfie taken by Shan Powell of RISE UP Spartans … I’m in the black tank top in the back left!)


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