Lifewave x39 — A Review

Stem Cell Activation Patches? What?

This is not a review blog. This website is not about reviews. But I need to talk about the Lifewave X39 stem cell therapy patch here for a moment.

Yeah, I’m Skeptical of the Lifewave X39 too.

When you graduate with a bachelor’s in marketing you’re handed a hand shovel, pan, and a creek bed full of murky water. It’s up to you to scoop through the gravel, silt, and sand to look for the worthwhile stones in the mess. I was handed more job offers than I could handle, and most of the offers were pure crap. The more insistent a listing was that it was a “real marketing job” for recent graduates, the more likely it was a job passing out free samples in a grocery store. Now, don’t get me wrong here, that’s a totally viable job and worthwhile for those interested in that kind of work. But, you don’t spend thousands of dollars and go into debt getting a marketing degree in order to take that job. The constant bombardment of multi-level-marketing companies that lured me into job interviews just to find out that they were an MLM left a rather putrid taste in my mouth. I won’t deny that I have had friends become very successful at that work, but shady hiring practices to new college grads just turned me off so bad that I rarely will even buy products from those companies.

Today, however, I write about a product sold by a form of MLM. It pains me to write about this one. I want nothing less than to sound like one of “those” marketers. OMG THIS PRODUCT IS AMAZING YOU HAVE TO TRY IT FREAKING MIRACLE PRODUCT COME BUY IT SO I CAN MAKE MONEY – but I have to write about this one.

My Back Hurts. ALways.

I’ve had chronic back pain since a car accident when I was 16. There have been days I couldn’t get out of bed. There was one day I even had to call an ambulance for it (side note: that was in Antarctica and I probably could have done without the ambulance, but it was protocol. The guys drove me a whole 25’ to the medial center). Most days, I grit my teeth and ignore the pain in my spine. Most of my friends probably don’t even realize how much pain I’m constantly in unless they’ve seen me on a bad day. This day in February was probably the worse my pain had been since the ambulance call. I had spent the days before packing and moving boxes and furniture alone. It was my own fault, yet I was in tears any time I had to sit up. Luckily, I work from home, and was able to lay on my side in the fetal position and take my calls from my cell phone. I felt absolutely pathetic. I don’t talk about my pain much but even then I had to make an SOS “what do I do?!” Facebook post because all the methods that had worked over the last 13 years weren’t working.

When I received these little round patches from Kandice I was skeptical as fuck. How would some little round patch help? The included card just stated some mumbo about reflecting your own heat back to your body causing stem cells to regenerate or something. It sounded like someone had thrown together some technical jargon to get fools to be like OMG YES! IT’S SCIENCE! My pain was radiating from one spot in my spine. Out of curiosity, I toss the patch off to one side instead of in the middle of the pain. I read the card to my roommate and we laughed about the “science” it claimed.

But Does the Patch Work?

An hour later I noticed I wasn’t cramping in my left side – where the patch was. Two hours later and I was up walking around my house. Well, I was still limping a little. Within three hours I had no pain on the left side of my spine. The right side, with no patch, was not fine. I was still in the same level of aching pain on that side. I ended up driving that night on a 5-hour road trip. I’d been in so much pain earlier in the day that I’d been planning on cancelling the trip. By the time I woke up in the morning, my back pain was back to my normal levels. I can’t say gone – I’ll probably never have NO back pain – but it was back to my normal before I’d injured it and I was back to normal activities.

Is it Just Placebo?

A week later I sneezed the wrong way. I swear I must have popped a rib out of place in my back or something. For days after this sneeze I had horrible, horrible pain in my left shoulder-blade region between my “wing” and the ribs. You gotta love getting old – a sneeze? Really? That’s what caused DAYS of pain? I thought I was just going to have to wait it out. I tried stretching. Tried heat. Tried medication. Nada.

Then I remembered I had two more patches from Kandice. I had my roommate slap one on for me…. because of course the spot was that one area of the back I can’t reach.

Again, within an hour I felt less pain. Within six I was moving normally again. I won’t say I’m pain free in that spot – I’m writing this with the patch still on my back – but the pain is no longer limiting my mobility. And, when you’ve lived 13 years with non-healing spinal injuries, that’s really the best I can ask for.

Science!

Here’s the part where you make money, right? Nope.

I contacted Kandice to buy more. These obviously work for me. Let’s be upfront here: I posted online about having back pain. My coach, Kandice, commented asking if I wanted to try some of her patches she’s been using. I knew they were probably sold by a company that totally encourages you to recruit people to your team, but I was willing to try anything at that point. When I asked about buying more, I totally was handed the whole video-call and the spiel from Kandice and her husband Shan about joining the company. I turned it down. I decided just to buy the product without the “discounts” to join the team. I just ordered my own at full price and I don’t make a dime if you purchase any of these after reading my review. BONUS: My HSA card worked for thier site! It’d be cool if you decide to try them to go through my coach Kandice since she’s who brought them into my life – but it’s no skin off my back if you don’t. I’m not writing this review to bring her money; I’m writing it to share this cool product.

Someone remind me and I’ll update this post once I’ve used them long-term!

I’d love to eventually actually read the scientific studies and such around the technology but, well, I’m a graduate student now and I’m too busy with my own academic research on cleaning up oil in the Niger delta. I went on their website and of course it’s covered in all those flashy “science” graphics and made me feel like I was listening to a Billy Graham sermon. If you want a less flashy information session, you can read about my Spartan coach Kandice’s experience with them on her own blog page here… and I think she sends out samples there too. I still kind of hate that I’m even writing some heartfelt review of this product because it goes against my normal modus operandi and like…. Eesh…. I totally do sound like one of “those” people and I haven’t done the research and it’s a company structure I hate….. but in the meantime, even if it is all in my head, these science-mumbo-jumbo patches have me mobile again and for that, I am thankful.

(Cover image source this time is a YouTube still from a video I didn’t watch)

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